Love: Lost and Found
by Aretsu Hiwatari
Summary: A story about Ray before he met Kai, Max and Tyson, Ray's life is pretty horrible and he has no one to go to . . . except his boyfriend Lee. But is he even safe to go to? Eventual Kai x Ray. For now . . . Ray and Lee.
1. Prologue: Alone in the Dark

My names Raymond Kon. It was supposed to be Raymond Kon Hiwatari but life came rough and harsh and blew its icy cold winds through the horrible thing a called a life. I sit here in the darkness of the hospital room alone and scared . . . thinking about everything that happened until this very moment.

If it wasn't for my stubbornness . . .

If I wasn't stuck in my poor helpless miserable past . . .

If I just opened my heart up sooner.

I didn't think that losing the companionship of someone close to you would be so difficult to comprehend. I didn't even think- didn't even know that this person meant so much to me until the very end. I didn't think that because of his absence all of my suicidal thoughts from years back would break into the surface of the here and now and haunt me.

I honestly didn't think that these thoughts would ever come back.

I didn't know that while stumbling through the darkness that is once again my life I would've found the key that I threw away and unlocked the door to all those horrible thoughts and memories . . . from only so long ago.

All those memories of being brutally raped, mentally, physically, emotionally . . . verbally even. They're all coming back.

My father . . .

My mother . . .

Lee . . .

My friends . . .

All the things they said and done.

Stuff that I locked away-that I thought I locked away.

Stuff that I locked away . . . just to be with him.

I heard that there was a logical explanation for everything that happened. But for all the crap that happened to me . . . to this day I still haven't found one.

It would make sense that since he's not here by my side protecting me all these things would come back and haunt me. I mean I'm not happy right? The fact that the only other person I've ever loved is laying on a hospital bed dying right in front of my eyes is the main reason why I want to jump off a cliff and kill myself right? Why I want to feel the intense burning of all the pain inflicted on me as I slowly die is because I'm depressed right? I don't fight for life! Are you depressed and want to kill yourself? Well guess what, I am too, let's make a cult!

I then took out the small knife that I kept as a symbol of strength after I finally left home. Put enough force into it and you've got yourself a powerful yet dangerous weapon. I wondered if it would rid me of this place. I already knew that he was going to leave me. Why should I have to suffer through life without him by my side? Wouldn't it be fair if I went with him?

I looked at the small mirror as I fiddled with the knife in my hand. I looked horrible. I mean I heard of 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed' but damn! Then again I've been in this hospital for almost two weeks now. Can't blame a guy whose worried sick can you? I then turned the knife over in my hand and looked at my arms. Any traces of past suicide attempts were long gone but as the memories came back so did the scars. I saw them clear as day. I could make one more that would end it all right here. Right now.

Something white caught my eye and I looked over to see the white violets that I had brought two days ago. I wondered . . . if I left them who would take care of them. I didn't think he would. Tyson and Max are good for nothings anyway they wouldn't do it. Man . . . I really can't leave them.

Who knew that just to get rid of this pain of lost I would want to stab my heart a million times over?

I looked over to his bed and smirked, knowing what he would say if he knew what I was thinking. I sighed with tears in my eyes. He would be sad if I did that . . . I didn't want that.

I looked away from him, over to the flowers, down to the knife, caught the faint glimmer of the ring, up to the mirror, saw my reflection again and cried.


	2. My life at home

I managed to run to my room just in time. The old man was asleep and the old crone was out doing whatever. I looked around my room and saw that it still looked the same. The chairs, table and my bed weren't moved. My dresser wasn't on the ground like last time, the door that separates me from the outside . . . well that door had seen better days. I went over to it and tried to close it. No such luck on my part. My father had broken it one day in a fit of rage. Looks like I'll have to sneak money every now and then to buy a new one. I have time, it may not be a lot of time but I did have time.

I looked at the time to see that it was now 8:00 pm. I should've been home two hours ago with Father's dinner and 'gifts'. I shuddered from the cold and disgust. It was a windy spring night in Japan, the place where I was born and raised. I was named Raymond Kon and am now 15. I'll be turning 16 next week.

I looked in my closet to see what I should wear but the only things in here were house kimonos, not the usual T-shirts and shorts that I enjoyed wearing. Mind you yes I said kimonos. Not yukata's, not hakama's just plain old kimonos. My father had always gotten a kick out of seeing me dressed in these. I mean I like them too so I don't blame him. Plus, I only wear them in the house so yeah it's cool. By the time I decided on what to where the time now read 8:26. Time sure is going by fast. It was a good thing that I prepared today's dinner yesterday. It was 8:30 by the time I finished taking off my shirt and tossing it on my futon next to my slacks, which were the first to go.

As I changed I noticed a red mark on my shoulder and collarbone. I felt my face heat up as I remembered the reason why I was late. I then took out a blue and indigo kimono and started to put it on, hoping to Kami that my dad doesn't see the marks. I remembered the last time he found marks on my body. He made sure to thoroughly mark me next. Maybe, if he were to see them, he would spare me if I let my hair down. I thought it was worth a shot as I let the long raven locks fall down my back and over my shoulders. After I tied the sash I started to look for the obi. I wondered if I should go with the black one or the silver one. I decided to go with the silver one when I heard my father stirring. I tied the obi around me and ran into the kitchen. I took out the stuff I prepared last night and placed them in the oven to warm. Immediately the smell of fish and rice could be detected.

I then jumped when I heard my father open the door to the kitchen. I looked at him and bowed. My father, Ryouho Kon, was a very good looking man at the age of 36. My father had shoulder length black hair that was usually put into a loose ponytail and golden colored eyes. He was a very confident man and it showed in whatever he did. I lifted my head up as he bowed very slightly to me. When he lifted his gaze to me I instantly averted my gaze and turned back around to the counter to start chopping up the spices he liked with his meal.

"How was your day, Father?" I spoke calmly so I don't hint to him that I was scared. I didn't want to seem guilty or else he'll know that I was out late.

"Fine," I felt him walk closer to me and his hand rested on my shoulder. I then proceeded to put some rice in his bowl.

"Is everything alright, Father?" I felt his other hand on the small of my back, inching toward the tie of my obi, as if about to loosen it. I sighed slightly when the hand on my shoulder went to my hair.

"You let your hair out, Ray. It's a nice change."

"Arigatou, Father." I started to fix Mother's plate. "Will Mother be joining us today, Father?" That should stop him.

I felt my father move from my hair to my neck and I winced when his nails bit into my skin.

Yeah it worked.

"No, but you can continue to fix her plate for later." He leaned in and whispered, "Hurry up, Ray."

I blew out a puff of air and moved my bang from my eye. For some strange reason . . . well it's not really strange it's actually pretty obvious but ever since I was about 8 my mother started taking drugs and pretty much spends most of her time at a brothel. Father hasn't left her yet and a part of me doesn't know why. It would make sense to me that deep down he probably really does love her but with the sick and twisted things he's been doing it's pretty hard for me to believe he has a heart.

"Yes Father." I passed by him and went to the oven, taking out the fish. "Do you wish for your sake now, Father?"

I felt his gaze on me even as he walked back to the living room. "Sure,"

I rolled my eyes. Great. So he'll be drunk during this whole thing. That's just my God damn luck. I then finished our plates and brought them out with the drinks. After serving the sake to Father I sat down across from him and started eating.

"Thank you for the food," I whispered to myself.

There was a long silence during dinner and Father kept looking at me. I didn't make eye contact with him and just kept eating. I heard the front door open and looked up to see my mother.

My mother, Rebecca Johnson Kon, had long raven hair and black eyes. The kimono that she had on was in a mess, showing off her pale skin and the deep red marks that were there. I rolled my eyes and continued eating, knowing where she was. She could've at least cleaned herself up.

"And where have you been?"

My mother froze and she looked at us. She glared at me and I paid her no mind.

"I was out," Was her response.

I rolled my eyes and when Father decided to look at her I drank four shots of sake and finished off my wasabi with the last of the fish and rice. I shook my head and hoped that I would fall asleep before Father wanted to take his anger out on me. At least asleep I won't have to worry too much. Sure, I'll be sore as Hell but it's better than experiencing the whole entire thing.

My father looked at me and yanked on my hair. I didn't even see his hand move. I winced as he yanked and pulled at my hair. He wanted to get a bigger response out of me. He was trying to provoke Mother. She smirked when my response was more of shock then pain. My father then glared at me while pulling me closer to him. When he spoke in my ear his rough words sent shivers down my spine.

"Either you scream now or I'll make you scream later on tonight!"

My father pulled my hair again and this time I screamed. He grabbed onto me and pulled me onto his lap. I screamed again. I couldn't believe this! Already? Really? No, I don't want this! I don't want this!

Mother stare wide eyed. No, not because he was hurting me but because she feared what would happen next. My father always showed her how he would torture her through me. Even though he would never "love" her the way he "loves" me. Something that to this day I'll never understand. Then again, I don't think this is something I should understand. My father doesn't have sex with my mother anymore. He only really does so if I'm not around or when he thinks his anger is too severe for his "dear sweet Ray" to handle. Oh, and something else I have yet to understand . . . my mother always said that if she could get father to touch her even once then that's fine. Again . . . never will I understand!

My mother and I really aren't on good terms with each other. She thinks that I provoke father into doing the things he does. This isn't true obviously. I mean who asks their own father to have sex with them? Mother says that I have a grudge against her and that I'm a selfish whore who wants father all to myself. I think she's the reason why I can't date women. I mean don't get me wrong. I didn't let my mother ruin my entire view of the women population. It's just that . . . I realized that I just don't like girls. I realized that during Junior High. Cause when I would date a girl I realized that they're too dependent and they just want, want and want. If you ask them to give they'll make a big spectacle about it, forcing you to give up. I realized though that at the same time I was doing that as well. Our personalities and attitudes clashed way too much. I had depended on her a lot more than she depended on me. Didn't think that was possible.

Yes, be in awe.

At the same time during my last couple of failed suicide attempts I realized that I was starting to have feelings for my childhood friend, Lee Chang. A boy.

Lee Hikari was my best friend since elementary years. He was always there for me. He was the only child of a single parent. His father Ryu Chang is a kind and gentle man. Yet when it was time to get serious he certainly showed it. He loves his son dearly and would never let any serious harm befall him. Lee and his father are the only ones who are kinda finding out about my living situations but haven't said anything.

To that I'm grateful.

When out of nowhere Lee asked me out during my whole "oh god I'm gay" phase during the last year of Junior High I was kinda confused at first but when he proved that he cared for me by . . . kissing me I was pretty much on cloud nine. I couldn't believe that it was happening. We've been dating for almost four years and it was because of him that I was late today. My face became hot remembering what happened.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt my father's lips on my throat. I shivered and tried to relax my hands. Hey, last time I was so scared I accidentally stated my displeasure by hitting my father square in the jaw. Let's just say that it didn't end well for me.

Once more I screamed as he bit down on my neck and pulled my hair again.

"Father please!"

"Please what, Ray? You know you have to be more specific," Father kissed my neck as if apologizing for the earlier assault.

"Father . . ."

"Do you want me to stop, Ray?" I felt his other hand travel down my back and stop as it rested on my ass. He squeezed it and I shivered. "I know you don't want me to stop." He squeezed tighter and I jumped in surprise, gripping his shoulders and letting him completely grasp my ass. He started to knead it, making me shiver and I shook my head, my bangs covering my eyes. I felt like crying. It's starting. It's happening again.

I was about to be raped by my own father.

And no one was going to help me.

My father loosened my obi and started to slip his hands under the sash, untying it and then opening the kimono, exposing me from at least the waist up. The look on my father's face disgusted me a lot more than the feel of his hands traveling across my body. His eyes were full of hunger and lust. The hunger he felt was portrayed in his touch.

His kisses went lower onto my chest. His tongue played with the sensitive nubs that were there. I bit my lower lip, trying hard not to make a sound. Today I won't give him any satisfaction.

However my father must've known what I was thinking because out of nowhere he bit down on one and tugged harder on the other one. I felt his lips twitch into a smirk as a small groan escaped my lips. the main thing that I hated about what my father did to me was the fact that no matter how badly I tried to ignore it he always made sure he'd win in the end. My father knew that I liked to cut myself. He knew that pain was the one thing that turned me on the most and he always used it to his advantage. The second that pain is registered in my brain I'm already a needy mess. Even now I'm already panting and sweating. The pain that he inflicted on me felt incredible. I wanted more, so much more. But there was no way in Hell I was gonna tell my rapist of a father that.

I felt his arms circle around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I felt his erection press against my thigh and I groaned slightly. I was disappointed in myself for just about wanting this. I then felt his hand creep up the kimono from the bottom and I froze as he idly started to touch my thigh. I started to squirm, wanting him to touch me more, but dammit I didn't want this from him! So badly did I want to move away from him completely but I knew that he wouldn't approve of it.

I then felt nothing for a good second as I felt myself being hoisted up from my father's lap to his shoulders as he was about to get up. I felt him pat my ass lightly at first and I shuddered. I then yelped in sheer ecstasy as he slapped it harder.

Dammit that felt good.

"Ray don't you want it?" His hand trailed down my leg. "Don't you want me to make you feel good?"

Yes! I mean no! I mean . . . oh God dammit! I kept my mouth shut.

I then screamed as he tossed me from his shoulder and unto the floor next to the table. I groaned in actual pain as my body made contact.

"Now Ray I'll ask again. Don't you want me to make you feel good?"

He was demanding me to say something; to say it loud and clear like he liked it. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to.

I looked away.

My father then slapped me across my face and fell on top of me, pressing his lips to mine and lowered his hand to dip under the kimono again. Okay, does anyone else agree that this is getting annoying?

I gasped in pleasure as he started to tease my now awakening hard on and kissing my neck. He then looked at me again. After he let go of me he slapped me again.

"Now then, shall we try again?" My father's hand smoothed the redness of my cheek and when I leaned into the touch he smacked my face with such force that the normal reaction was to hit back. I told myself to calm down, however and focused on my breathing.

"Ray are you ignoring me?"

I felt tears prick my eyes and I bit my tongue as I spoke the words my father wanted to hear.

"Father please forgive me. Please forgive my rudeness." I sat up and crawled into his lap. I started to grind into him and felt his breath coming out in short pants. "Father . . . you're the only one who can please me." I grimaced internally as I bit his earlobe.

"Who do you belong to, Ray?"

I squeezed his shoulders and shook my head. No, I can't let him do this to me.

"Father . . . please let me-!"

I was then pulled off my father and slammed into a nearby wall. I looked and saw my mother taking my place in father's lap. I wanted to run at that moment. My brain was telling my legs to move but for some reason . . . I couldn't move. I was just so amazed at how jealous my mother was of father's infatuation with me.

My legs then decided to move as I stood upright. I watched as Mother kissed Father any place where she could reach. My father kept his eyes on me and I looked away as I ran to my room, tripping over my kimono in the process.

I got in the room and closed the door. At the same time I heard both of them yelling at each other. Father was blaming Mother for letting me escape.

Escape?

What am I some kind of convict?

As I was mulling that over out of nowhere my door was busted open and I looked to see my father. He looked annoyed if not angry and I wasn't surprised to see my mother standing right behind him. Her cheek was red so I assumed he hit her.

"Ray?" My father approached me. "Now before your mother interrupted us what were we doing?"

I turned to make a run for it but decided against it.

This is my life.

I can't deny it any longer.

No one can help me.

And unfortunately I have to accept that.

I looked at my father and smiled. "You were gonna show me how much of a bad boy I've been right Father?"

He smiled back, "Of course. You like it when I punish you don't you, Ray?"

I closed my eyes and kneeled down in front of him, "Yes Father. You know I do."

This is my life at home.


	3. Outside Life

I OWN NOTHING!

THIS IS MERELY JUST FOR FUN!

Kai: It really is though

Oh! and i redid the first two chapters! check them out too!

It was early Friday morning when I woke up. Two days after my confrontation with Father. I was surprised that I woke up now rather than much later. It means that Father went easy on me. I let out a breath of relief as I tried to move.

I moved my head a bit, afraid to move the rest of my body. I felt a slight throb in the back of my head and knew that my father had had his way with me while I was unconscious. I sat up and winced, confirming the fact that I was also beaten pretty badly by him as well.

I really don't see how he could get off at this. In a sense, however, I didn't feel it. So I got what I asked for . . . for once.

I looked around to find my uniform nowhere in sight and as much as I didn't want to I tried to stand, not caring that I was nude at the time. I mean my father went easy on me right?

When I was able to stand I tried to take a step. It was a big mistake on my part as I almost cried out in pain when I felt my legs give out under me and I fell back on my futon. My back hit the soft material and I almost screamed.

Father went easy on me, my sore ass!

I looked at my alarm and saw that it was at least 4:00 am. I didn't have to be at school until around 7:00 but I had to get out of here. I had to leave before Mother and Father woke up. I didn't want to hear their sorry excuses and complaints. I didn't even feel like making breakfast.

And when I say making breakfast I mean making breakfast for them. Apparently it's bad for your own child to eat breakfast with you. It doesn't make sense and it's a lot of bull but it's what my father says and whatever he says goes right?

I then decided to see what damage my father caused. I crawled off the bed and unto the floor. I continued until I got to the full length mirror. I then laughed at myself, realizing that my knees weren't hurting. It just reminds me of how long exactly I've been doing this with Father. I stopped laughing and looked at the mirror.

Oh sweet Kami . . .

I can't go to school like this!

Usually when my father "punishes" me he normally does it to the point of me bleeding but that's it and when he hits me it's just a slight bruising; nothing that I have to worry about.

I sighed. It's sad that I'm trying to justify his actions.

Anyway, I could easily make something up and tell people that I fell. It's believable nowadays seeing as how "accident prone" I am. Like when Father broke my leg when he tossed me to the floor this one time or when I got a concussion from trying to run away. I merely told everyone that I either fell or some accident when I went hiking or something. The only person who knows the truth is Lee but thankfully he doesn't say much.

I tried to stand up one more time so I could get a better look at myself and honestly I wish I hadn't.

My long raven hair fell in tangled streams. My face had a slight cut on its right cheek and my body . . . oh my body . . . I never would've imagined it. Each one darker then the last bruises littered my arms, legs and neck. Scratches and bite marks covered my chest. Well, at least I could cover those up. I then felt something trailing down my back and I groaned as I guessed what it was. I took my hand and reached over, bringing my hand back and confirming that I was right.

Blood.

Honestly . . . I really didn't want to talk about my back anymore. There're way too many stories attached to it.

I sighed. What am I gonna tell everyone this time?

As I tried to take a step to my closet I heard someone coming through my door from the back. I knew that this would get me in trouble! There's no way I could defend myself in this situation! Dammit, Father! Why the hell did you break my door?

"Ray?"

I looked to see Lee. He looked shocked.

"Lee?" I asked breathlessly.

Lee ran to me and was about to wrap his arms around me when I stopped him. He looked at me.

"My back is bleeding. I wouldn't want you to get any on your uniform."

"Like I care," He embraced me, not too tight either. He did it just right. Just the right amount of softness and roughness that lets me know that he's here and that I'm safe.

I love him so much.

"Ray, what on earth happened to you? Was it your father again? Was this why you didn't come to school?"

My mind spun from Lee's onslaught of questions. I held onto him, grateful that he was there.

Lee Chang, my boyfriend for almost four years, had shoulder length black hair and golden eyes. I say they're like a honey color but he likes when I say that they're gold. It boosts his ego. At the time he was wearing our school uniform which, for the boys anyway, consisted of either a long sleeve white button up shirt with our school logo on it, which Lee wears, or a short sleeve white shirt with the logo on it, which I wore. It was either causal or sophisticated. Guess which one I chose. The uniform also consisted of a navy blue tie also with our logo and black slacks and dress shoes. It was a typical uniform. Nothing fancy. Our school was called, 'Kagami Academy'. Kagami, meaning mirror, meant that we were supposed to not only be as best as those in the past but be better. We, the students, are supposed to be better than everyone else and set examples for those after us. This school was on the top charts and I was happy that I was able to get in with Lee.

"I'm fine, Lee. Thanks for coming over." I looked at the clock only to realize that a half an hour passed. I looked up at him and his golden eyes spoke volumes to me. I blushed slightly and looked away.

Lee smiled and kissed my neck. "What's wrong Ray?"

"Um well it's just that I'm embarrassed."

"Embarrassed of what?" He asked me.

I blushed even darker, "Well I'm nude and being held by my boyfriend, whom I love so deeply. You do the math."

Lee smiled brighter, "So you want me is that it?"

I didn't even bother to look at him. I mean why should I? He already knew the answer.

His hand trailed down my face. "Are you up for it?"

I looked at him, "I rather it be you than my father if that's what you mean." I felt tears prick my eyes again.

Lee looked shocked and upset. He knew I was terrified of my father and he knew I hated every single thing he did to me. I never really cried in front of him. I thought that it was meaningless for me to cry since I was the one that let it happen and that I refuse to make it stop.

He held me again. "It's okay, I'm here."

"I know. Thank you,"

He looked at me and kissed me softly. I loved the feel of Lee's lips. They were soft and always tasted of peaches, my favorite fruit. I looked at him and smiled, knowing he did that on purpose.

"You idiot,"

He smiled at me. I loved his smile too. It made his face brighten up so much.

"Oops, guess you've caught me. Does that mean I'm gonna get punished?"

"Maybe," I smirked.

Lee lifted me up and brought me to my bed. He then went to my bathroom and brought out a wet cloth and some alcohol. I stared at him. "Um this is punishment for me not for you."

"Come on, Ray. You know I have to. We can't have that bleeding so much."

I looked at his hands and saw that they were still bloody from my back. The cuffs of his sleeves were a little red too but I knew as well as him that he could cover those easily. I sighed and had lay down on my stomach and winced as he rubbed my back with the cloth. I silently cried out when the alcohol was added. Lee apologized every time I made a sound.

After about 5 minutes I felt him kiss my shoulder and heard him ask me to turn over. I shook my head.

"Ray what's wrong?"

I shook my head again. I didn't want to tell him. How could I tell him that I grew hard as he kept pouring the alcohol on my wounds? How could I tell him that through the whole time he was helping me I was helping myself to millions of images and memories of past rendezvous?

I then flinched as I felt him kiss my shoulder. I looked at him, knowing my face was flushed and knowing that my breathing was ragged.

Lee stared at me and I saw his eyes darken with lust. I looked lower to his pants and saw the bulge that was there. He then lifted my chin and made me stare into his darkened eyes. "Ray, what is it?"

I couldn't stand it. "Lee, touch me!" I kissed him fiercely.

I felt him respond as he flipped me over and leaned over me. He then pulled back long enough to loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt. I loved watching Lee undress, especially if it's out of his school uniform. How he yanks off his tie and unbuttons his shirt. How he carelessly tosses both objects to the floor. How could I resist him when he shows me how much he wants me?

He then leaned back to me and lowered his kisses unto my chest. I threw my head back as he showered my chest with little nips and tugs. At this point I was already rock hard and I couldn't stand his teasing anymore. I didn't think my body could handle sex right now but I did want him to touch me.

I lowered my hand and started to play with myself. I groaned as I realized how sensitive I was and that I was ready to blow at any minute.

Lee looked at me and smiled. "You want me to touch that?"

I nodded my head. So badly did I want him to touch me. My hand wasn't enough. I needed him.

"Please . . ." My breathing was short and I gasped every other second as my movements became slightly faster.

He batted my hand away and stood up. I stared at him and knew what he wanted. I sat up and he pulled his erection out, putting it in my face. I could tell that he didn't want me to tease him. I could tell that he wanted me to hurry. He was about to blow as well. I was more than eager to please him.

"Well this is a surprise," I licked my lips. "You're already so hard." Lee rolled his eyes, saying something along the lines of 'I'm always hard when I see you.'

I thought it was cute.

I placed his erection in my mouth and swallowed it whole, loving the way it tasted and loving how it twitched as I moved my tongue over the sensitive head.

"Ray . . ." He muttered as he ran his fingers through my hair. I groaned as I started to touch myself again. "Ray do you like touching yourself in front of me?"

I nodded my head slightly as I continued to suck him off. He fisted his hand in my hair and started to fuck my mouth.

I looked up slightly and saw that Lee was watching me. I knew how much he loved to watch me suck him off or play with myself. When we did have sex he loved it when we would do it doggy style or when I was riding on top of him cause I knew he loved watching himself disappear inside me. I started to move my hand faster and I groaned as I sucked him harder.

"Yeah, Ray just like that." He grunted and started to move faster as well. "Touch yourself for me. God, I love watching you."

He took himself out of my mouth and I groaned as he kneeled down to kiss me.

"Lee . . . I'm-"

"I know, Ray. Just wait I'm right there." He kissed my forehead and he grunted in my ear as he bit my earlobe. "Ray I love you. Please come with me."

I looked at him, "Lee . . ."

"Please Ray?" He smiled slightly despite holding back all his moans.

I smiled as I reached my end and kissed him. "Yes, Lee. I love you too. Come with me."

"Oh God yes!" He then laid me down on the bed and went over me. His erection over my mouth and mine already engulfed by his own. I took him in my mouth and we continued to devour each other.

It wasn't too long that the room was soon filled with moans and groans, the occasional panting and the silent scream of completion as we both released. Lee got off of me and flipped over so he could face me. We kissed sloppily and content at what we've done. However when I looked at the time it was now 6:15. I stared at Lee and attempted to get up, only to fall back to the bed. Lee giggled but understood why I was panicked. My parents, mainly my father, were going to wake up any minute. If I didn't leave soon I'm screwed! No, pun attended.

Lee got up and went to my closet, taking out a uniform and helping me put it on. I smiled as he even brushed my hair for me.

I was fixing my tie by the time Lee lifted me up, grabbed my book bag and shoes and ran out through the back. I couldn't help but think that I really needed to get money so I could fix that door.

Unfortunately we had gym class that first period. It didn't really turn out too well. For me of course.

"Wow, Ray! What the Hell happened to you?"

"Go fall in a ditch, Tatsuya!"

Our friend Hikari laughed, "Oh come on, Lee! He's just playing around!"

"No seriously though . . ." Tatsuya our other friend walked up to me. He looked concerned. "What happened Ray? You couldn't have fallen this time."

I looked away from them as I changed into my gym uniform, with the help of Lee of course.

I still couldn't stand straight on my own.

"Yeah well I did fall so leave it alone."

"Yeah he probably fell in that ditch with Tatsu."

"Shut up Hikari!"

"Look Lee I understand that you and Ray are together and what not but you don't have to be so defensive." He looked at me and smiled. "You're cool with our jokes right, Ray?"

I rolled my eyes, even though they couldn't see. "Yeah I'm fine."

Oh if only they knew!

"See?" Tatsuya patted me on the back. "He's perfectly fine!"

And because of that I fell to the ground in complete pain!

"Ray!" All my friends yelled out in unison.

"Dammit, Tatsuya!" Lee yelled.

"I'm sorry!"

I looked at them and could've sworn that the concern looks on Tatsu and Hikari's faces were fake. It's probably just my imagination.

"I'm fine." I blinked at them. "Can you help me up?"

"Sure!" Hikari instantly grabbed my hand and lifted me up. When I was standing I felt his hand on the small of my back. "Everything alright?" He asked me.

"Yeah . . . cool." I felt Lee grab unto me after that.

I rolled my eyes at Lee's possessiveness. Ever since we started dating Lee has been like that. He told me I was too beautiful and handsome to be left alone. He told me that there were vultures around me trying to eat me up. He said he was glad that a brave man like him was able to take me out of the dessert and back with him to a safer environment. It's too bad he can't take me away from my dad but it's a start at least. I'm always grateful to have Lee by my side. I really don't know what I would be without him. Oh wait I do know . . . I'd be dead.

After the incident in the locker rooms gym went pretty well. You know besides the fact that I had to sit down for all of it. It wasn't until afterwards that my life went pretty upside down . . . again.

Isn't my life great?

"Hey,"

I looked over to see Hikari. He was the only one left in the locker room. I didn't want everyone else to see my scars so I decided to change when everyone left. Lee left early to tell our English teacher that I was going to be late. What was my excuse? I fell.

I wasn't expecting Hikari to be here, however.

"Hey Hikari," I walked to a bench. "What are you still doing here?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

I didn't look at him. "I didn't feel like talking about my scars again."

"The old ones or new ones?"

I froze. For a while now I've been coming to school less often and with more bruises courteous of my father. Of course the only person who knows that is Lee. The old ones were almost gone . . . almost.

But these new ones . . .

"It doesn't matter. I didn't want to have to explain myself."

"I see,"

I proceeded to take off my shirt. Hikari was one of my close friends I didn't mind if he saw. 'Sides he already saw them earlier. It's like closing the barn after the horses left if I tried to hide them from him now.

I was so focused on not killing myself however that I didn't hear Hikari's next question.

"Did Lee do that to you?"

When I did hear it I dropped my shirt, "What?"

"Did Lee do that to you?" He repeated.

What? How come he's asking me this? He made it sound like he was discussing about the weather. He's known Lee for as long as I have. I looked at him if not stared at him.

"Lee would never hit me." I glared at him. "He would never do that. How could you even ask me that?"

Hikari shrugged his shoulders. "I just noticed that he's being a little distant lately. I also know how much attention you want from others. So I assumed that Lee probably snapped and did a couple of things." He walked closer to me. "Personally I think it's cute."

"Wait what?"

Yeah never mind the fact that he just called your lovable boyfriend a wife beater. Smooth Ray . . . real smooth.

"Did you hit your head too?" Hikari smiled. "I said I think it's cute. The way you act, the way you talk, the way you want attention and are so close to people." He was now way too close. "I just think you're so cute, Ray-Chan."

I moved away slightly, hating the way he said my name. "Don't call me that. It's aggravating."

"You like it when Lee calls you that."

I blushed, thinking about how Lee's voice would sound saying my name like that. I shook my head. "First off Lee doesn't even call me that and even if he did Lee's my boyfriend. Of course I'd let him call me that. Why wouldn't I?"

"True," Hikari stood right in front of me. "Do you need help with anything? I could tell that you're still a bit wobbly."

I couldn't deny that but I was afraid that him touching me could lead to other things.

Don't ask what you've seen my life.

I shook my head slightly. I was being too cautious. Hikari was one of my best friends and he was only trying to help.

But then why do I feel so nervous whenever he gets too close to me?

"I'm okay," I started to put back on my original uniform. "If anything I'll just sit down and put my clothes on."

"Don't you normally have to stand at a certain point?"

I smirked at him. "Believe me. I know how to do things while sitting."

He smiled, "Oh really?" He sat on the bench beside me. "If anything you could sit on my lap."

I blushed again, "No thanks." I was able to get my arms and head through the shirt when out of nowhere Hikari grabbed the hem of it and held it there.

I stared at him. "What are you doing?"

Hikari stared at my torso, "You have scars here too." He said matter-of-factly.

"So?" I touched his hand. "Can you please let go Hikari?"

Then out of nowhere Hikari leaned toward me and kissed my stomach. I cringed.

"Hikari, stop. What are you doing?"

He looked at me. "I'm making the pain go away."

I shook my head. "No you're not, stop it!" I had a really bad feeling about this.

Hikari glared at me and I was then shoved into the nearby lockers. I yelped in pain as I fell to the floor.

Dammit, why am I always right?

"Oops," Hikari walked toward me and kneeled down . "Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?"

I glared up at him.

"Scary," He lifted my head up by my hair and stared at me. "Look at the fire in your eyes. They make those golden orbs of yours stand out even more. How I love those eyes of yours."

Then he kissed me, forcing his tongue in my mouth. I groaned and used whatever strength I had to try and push him away. He released my lips and continued his glare.

"Oh come on, Ray. You know you want me."

I stared at him. How the Hell did he come up with that?

"What?"

"Oh come on I've seen the way you look at me."

"Did it look like this?" I glared at him again.

He shrugged, "Close enough." His hand then pulled my hair and his other one pulled me by my shirt collar. I was hoisted up and slammed into the lockers again.

Okay 1 my back. I will not be surprised if one day I become paralyzed from all the blows to it. 2 this is getting really annoying really fast.

He crushed his lips to mine again and he released my hair and shirt just to have one on my hip, dragging me closer to him and the other gently caressing my cheek.

"You taste so good, Ray." He moved his hand from my cheek to my head and started to massage my scalp, as if apologizing for the earlier assault. "You taste sweet . . . like peaches."

I rolled my eyes at the comment but couldn't stop the groan from escaping me as I started to enjoy Hikari's gentle assault. It was soft and kind and it started to heat me up.

When he released me I felt my face heat up as he trailed his lips down my throat. "Hikari . . . please stop. We . . . we can't be doing this."

"Why not?" He licked my adam's apple and I shuddered.

"Cause I'm with Lee and technically what I'm doing is called cheating."

"So what you're saying is . . . you love Lee?"

I nodded my head, as if it wasn't obvious. "Yes,"

"But your body is telling me otherwise." He pressed into me and I felt his throbbing want on my thigh.

"True as that may be it doesn't justify your actions." I felt my face heat up even more as I continued to speak. "You're right. Lee hasn't been giving me much attention but he has-!"

My words were cut off as Hikari's lips landed on my again.

Okay now this is annoying!

When he pulled back I started to sense movement from the other side of the room. I turned toward the sound to see Tatsuya coming over.

Finally salvation!

"Hikari, what are you doing with Ray-kun?"

I sighed. Why is everyone calling me 'Ray-kun'?

"Tatsu!" I managed to get away from Hikari and managed to stumble into Tatsuya's awaiting arms. "Hikari . . . he . . . he tried to-"

"I know,"

I stared at him. "You knew? You mean you were watching as he-"

"Yeah, why not? It was cool that you started to get into it but then you started to get all choosy. What Lee don't know won't hurt him."

I stared at him. Tatsuya . . . the only other person that I ever considered a part of my family was actually watching Hikari and I as if we were the opening act of an X rated porn movie.

I couldn't believe this!

"No . . . Tatsuya. Don't tell me you . . ."

"Was actually hoping for this to happen? If I said no I'd be lying and my mom taught me better than that."

I then realized how bad my situation was at that moment.

"Hey Tatsu," I looked over at Hikari. "Bring him over,"

My eyes widened and I looked back up at Tatsuya. Please, God no.

"Hey you had your fun don't you think it's my turn?" His hand grabbed my ass. "God your ass is soft. I bet it's really tight too. Mind if I try it out?"

I shook my head and tried to get away from him but then Hikari came up from behind me and held onto my arms.

"Don't be scared, Ray. We won't hurt you." Hikari spoke in my ear.

"Yeah," Tatsuya agreed. "Well unless you try to run away that is." He then started to kiss my neck, biting and sucking. Hikari started doing the same to my ears.

Dammit, I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I bit my lip so as to not make any noise but what they were doing was so good. I felt myself getting hard and I was silently praying that neither of them noticed.

"And what's this?" I felt Tatsuya's hand creep down my stomach.

No!

"Well look at this, Hikari. Ray likes what we're doing!"

He sounded so proud.

"Well what are we waiting for, Tatsu? Let's make him enjoy it some more."

Hikari turned me around and pushed me onto the bench. Tatsuya then tied my hands behind my back. When they both looked at me I was able to tell that they liked what they saw.

Raymond Kon, looking like the perfect picture of a bondage slave. Hands tied behind him, long raven hair tousled and covering half my face, my cheeks stained red, my mouth parted open, lips bruised from kissing and biting, breath ragged, eyes darkened with lust, body covered with marks, clothes wrinkled and messy and a nice prominent bulge showing all my pent up emotion.

Yeah . . . I look great don't I?

"Wow," Hikari whistled. "Ain't he a beaut?"

Tatsuya nodded his head in agreement.

I glared at them, "Why are you doing this?"

Tatsuya smirked, "Why do you think?"

Hikari smiled, "Why should we tell you?"

"Cause it's the right thing to do?"

Tatsuya rolled his eyes and Hikari scoffed. "Fine if you really want to know." The latter of the two walked up to me. Hikari grabbed my hair and wrapped it around his hand until I came face to face with him. "You see . . . Ray dear . . ."

I already didn't like where this conversation was going.

"You see we're doing this to get back at Lee."

I stared at him in utter confusion. I sure am staring a lot.

"What?"

I'm also asking a lot of questions. . . . Hey I know!

Ray Kon, Ace Detective, at your service!

Yeah like that would work . . . -_-'

"You're doing this to get back at Lee?"

"Yeah," He made it sound like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I blinked a good couple of times before I busted out laughing. Hikari and Tatsuya looked at me weird.

Oh my God! This scenario was so cliché I was actually mad I fell for it!

"You think this is funny?" Tatsuya was fuming.

It only made me laugh harder.

Tatsuya came over to me and was about to slap me but all of a sudden his hand was grabbed and it stopped.

Hikari stared and let go of my hair, moving away from me in the process. My head fell down and I looked back up to see Lee there.

"Lee!"

"Hey, Ray!" He smiled slightly. He let go of Tatsuya and walked over to me and untied my hands. He then looked at Hikari and Tatsuya and smirked. "Now then . . ." He went in his bag and took out a brush. He handed it to me and walked over to them. I started to brush my hair.

"Whose idea was it to torture my boyfriend?" Lee looked really scary from my end. I'm really glad I'm not the focus of those eyes.

Neither of them spoke up.

"Really guys? No answer?" He stopped in front of Tatsuya. "I bet it was you. You always did speak so highly of Ray. Then again who wouldn't?" He looked at me. "I mean look at him. Isn't he amazing?"

I blushed. Leave it to Lee to make me seem more feminine then I already am.

Tatsuya immediately shook his head, "No it wasn't me! Hikari told me what he was planning and said that if I tagged along I'd get a piece." He kneeled down in front of him. "Please don't hurt me! I'm sorry Lee I really am!" Hikari looked shocked.

Lee smirked. "Okay Tatsu. Thank you for telling me." He helped Tatsuya up. "For that I'll give you an award."

"R-really?"

"Yes," I flinched when I saw how dangerous he looked. "Now I won't hurt you as badly as Hikari will be."

"Huh?"

Tatsuya was then punched square in the jaw and he flew to the floor. Hikari stared, wide eyed at what he just witnessed.

"Now for you." Lee turned toward Hikari and Hikari stepped back. "You always had a thing for Ray. I knew this and yet I still let you become friends with him. Why? Because that's what friends do. They introduce their friends to other people, to let their world expand. The world ends with you, you know." Lee was in Hikari's face now. "You always spoke about how nice Ray's hair was or how beautiful Ray's eyes were. You even talked about how nice he looked in a pair of jeans once but no I said nothing because from the very beginning I had told you straight out that he was mine!"

I stared as Lee talked to Hikari. I've never seen him so mad before. I was actually really afraid of him. It was definitely official . . . I would never get Lee that mad. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn't do what was expected of me? Besides I liked the fact that Lee said that I was his. If I was his then that meant I didn't belong to my father. I was really happy for that conclusion.

I then looked back up, not realizing that I was looking down, and saw Lee walking over to me again. He looked guilty.

"Lee?"

He sighed and held me.

"I'm so sorry. I should've just stayed by you like I always did. Or better yet I should've been watching out for Hikari. I knew he was no good!"

"Lee it's alright. I'm okay . . . I-"

"But you would've been better if I had at least warned you about him." He let go of me. "I didn't even do that. What kind of a boyfriend am I?" He walked away from me.

I sighed and looked away, catching a glimpse at Hikari and wincing to myself as I saw his body.

Lee sure did a number on him.

"You're a great boyfriend Lee." I felt him turn to look at me. "I couldn't ask for a greater person to be by my side." I looked at him. "If you'd let me . . . I'd be more than happy to stay by your side forever."

"Ray . . ." He walked back to me. "Would you really? Would you really stay by my side forever?"

I blushed, completely embarrassed that I said that. "If you'd let me," I repeated.

Then I saw it. His smile . . . Lee's smile. The smile I loved so deeply.

"I'm letting you." He whispered as he leaned toward my lips. "I'm letting you."

"Good," I whispered as I kissed him.

After that we . . . umm . . . stayed in there for a while . . .

Look I had a bit of a problem and my boyfriend was there to help fix it.

Leave me alone!

However after that I had to go home early so I could collect myself, after an experience like that the teachers agreed on it. Oh if only they knew that I went through the same problems at home.

Lee felt horrible for leaving me alone seeing as how he was thinking the exact same thing I was thinking.

They took me out of one Hellhole just to push me into another more deeper Hellhole that I refuse to get out of.

Great . . . -_-'

AretsuH: OMG! I'm done! (faints)

Kai: Well it's about time!

AretsuH: Hey you are not in the story yet! You shouldn't be here!

Kai: Ray let me in.

AretsuH: Ray? Why'd you let Kai in?

Ray: Because you're putting me through Hell that's why! (looks at story) I mean honestly who does that to characters they love?

AretsuH: (raises hand)

Kai: (points to AretsuH)

Ray: (gets angry) That's it I'm breaking the computer!

AretsuH: No! Kai stop him!

Kai: Sure . . . (walks after Ray)

AretsuH: Thanks! (turns to viewers) Now while that happens . . . I'd like to thank a couple of people!

Chaseha-Wing (yay a fan! And sorry you can't kill him. Need him for the plot you know)

Prince-The-Ripper-666 (my bff! Thanks!)

FEARMEfrancis (yes they are twisted. Which makes writing this all the more fun!)

Yokai (thanks you so much!)

Naoi (thanks! Hope you read more!)

VeekaIzhanez (you r so epic!)

AretsuH: Thanks again guys! Now I have one more thing to show you!

In a world where abuse and pain was all he knew, Jesse Nekolya didn't know where to turn. He didn't like people and wanted nothing to do with them. All he wanted to do was be alone. With the World Championships coming, Jesse was under the worst pressure known to . . . well no one. Jesse's life was his to worry about and it was no one else's business. There wasn't anybody who could save him.

Or so he thought . . .

Aretsu Murakami, a boy with long light blue hair and bright violet eyes. Pain, suffering, abuse . . . he knew what all of those things felt like. In the past he was a sad boy who was forced to grow up too fast and now lives a life of solitude as well. However, unlike Jesse, Aretsu yearns for love and still looks at people with a kind smile. Aretsu tries hard to push back his past and tries to never look back . . . until one snowy night he re met a person whom he hasn't seen in years.

"Jesse?"

Jesse doesn't want to remember what happened to him. The abuse, the rape, the inflictions of pain that he still does to himself . . . he didn't want to remember but after looking into Aretsu's violet eyes once more old memories as well as feelings start to surface and terrifies him.

Aretsu, after seeing just his silhouette, knows who he is and yearns for the boy all over again. The feelings he had for Jesse still strong after all those years.

Aretsu tries his best and reaches out a hand for Jesse to take over and over again only to have Jesse smack it away. Aretsu continues to smile but for how long?

Will Jesse continually ignore Aretsu's and his own feelings?

Will Jesse try to grab Aretsu's hand too late?

Find out in the new Beyblade story by Prince-The-Ripper-666, "Falling Snow."

AretsuH: This story is awesome and it's in my favorites! I made this blurb myself so I hope it's good!

R&R!

For both stories okay!


	4. Mrs Kon

Hey guys Aretsu Hiwatari here! I have TWO not one TWO new chapters for you! Please if I may keep in mind that the chapters I'm putting up are for my original story White Violets. I'm just making it into an awesome Beyblade story in the process. So! There may be some mistakes on hair color, eye color or names if that's the case please msg me and I will change it immediately.

* * *

When I got home I sighed thinking what was gonna be my excuse for coming home so early. I really didn't have anything to say. I mean I technically came home right after I left . . . what _can_ you say to that?

Before I got to the door however a man came out. He was a business man and he was fixing his tie while he passed me. He then looked back at me and smirked.

"Ah, you must be Ray." I blinked when he said my name. Does he know me? Better yet do I know him? "He was right you do look like your mother." He then walked closer to me. "Yeah, I see it now. That long black hair, that soft pale skin and those pouty lips." He placed his hand on my face and trailed his fingers down my skin. "I wonder if you're as good as he said."

I stared at him and figured out that it was my father who was saying that stuff. I wondered why my father even talked to this guy. My main concern was why he was here.

I shuddered slightly when his fingers trailed down my skin and pushed his hand away.

"I don't know who you are, why you're even here or what my father has been telling you but don't touch me like you know me."

"Hm, he said you were feisty. Should've known seeing as how you're _her_ son." He chuckled and walked away. I turned as well and continued walking to the door.

"Oh and one more thing,"

I stopped, sighed and turned to him.

He turned his head slightly to look at me. "You may not want to go in there yet. I kind of said your name while fucking your mother."

I stared at him in disbelief; completely dismissing the fact that he said he was screwing my mom.

"You what?!"

"Yeah. After all the things your father told me I couldn't help but think of you as I did your mother from behind."

I then quickly turned around to the house and opened the door, totally forgetting that he said I shouldn't go in there.

"Mother?! Ow!"

I fell to the ground and grabbed my head. I looked up to see my mother standing above me with a bottle of some kind of liquor in her hand. As I stared into her deep black eyes I felt tiny drops of liquor splash on me.

Apparently she chipped the bottle using my head. That's just fucking great.

I stood up and immediately she hit me with the bottle again, causing me to land back on my ass.

You know how I always say that something is getting annoying? Yeah well this is one of those times. I'm amazed the damn bottle didn't break that time. Ow . . .

"Is there a reason why I'm getting hit over the head with a liquor bottle?" I muttered as I sat up. I didn't feel like trying to stand just so I can fall back down after getting hit again.

My mother glared at me. She then went over to the couch and sat down.

I watched her. At the time my mother was now in a tight red low cut long sleeve shirt and navy blue skinny jeans. Her hair was put into a high ponytail and she stared at me as she watched me get up. I had to admit that she looked alright . . . oh Kami she did hit my head hard; I'm complimenting her.

I realized that I didn't have time for this. I picked my bag up from the floor and was about to leave when she spoke.

"Come here Raymond."

I flinched. She used my full name. That couldn't be a good sign. Then again the fact that she hit me with a glass bottle means it's not good. No, the fact that she's even speaking to me meant that I was gonna have the most fucked up weekend ever!

I love math . . .

I walked over to her and stared at her. "Yes Mother?"

She stared at me, "How was your day?"

"It was alright . . . eventful." I didn't think I should go into specifics.

"You're home early. What happened?"

"Um well you see . . ." I really didn't want to tell her anything.

She stared at me, "Raymond, you're not going to tell me?"

I simply shook my head. The fact that she's still calling me by my full name just means I'm probably a dead man.

She took a swig of the alcoholic beverage and stared at me. Her gold eyes sent daggers through me.

God, if looks could kill.

I slightly turned my head to the side.

"Raymond!" My mother's voice echoed through the living room and I jumped.

"Yes Mother?" I looked into her dark eyes with my now apparent scared violet ones.

My mother smiled cynically at me. It was the mixture between a smirk and an evil smile. You know the smile that evil villains do before the overly produced evil maniacal laugh? Yeah, that.

"Look at you . . ." She stood up and walked up closer to me to where I can smell the alcohol on her breath. "Those eyes of yours are just like his. When he was younger your father had the same eyes and they would always stare at me the same way . . . in fear of what I would do."

"Did that involve carrying around a cracked bottle of red wine and threatening to finish the job by breaking it over my father's head?" I wasn't too keen on being compared to my perverted old man.

At the same time though I knew I shouldn't have said that.

And yet what do I do? Say it . . . God I have a feeling that that's gonna bite me in the ass one day.

My mother slapped me across the face and I fell to the floor. The impact stung and I knew that that was because of all the martial arts classes she took when she was a kid.

I looked up at her in . . . dare I say shock?

What I was shocked of though was my response to her.

"How dare you touch me?!" I stood up and pointed at her. "When Father finds out about this you'll be the one who's in trouble!" I smirked. "And then we'll see who Father will stay with tonight!"

. . .

What the Hell did I just say?!

_ She'll_ be in trouble?!

Who he'll _stay_ with?!

Is something _wrong_ with me?!

Oh yeah . . . I have a severe case of _'won't-shut-the-fuck-up'_. I heard that that syndrome can be very deadly to those who don't treat it right.

_** SMACK!**_

My body collided to the floor; face first mind you, when my mother slapped me again. I sighed and thought about my earlier comments about my quick mouth. As seen on T.V. folks.

I looked up at her when she walked over to me. Her eyes were burning with hatred and . . . was that jealousy I saw there?

"You must feel so proud of that!" She kicked me in the ribs. "You must feel so proud of finally getting the love you wanted from your father so fucking bad! Are you proud?!" She kicked me again and I could've sworn I felt something snap as I collided with the wall. Was it my rib or my skull? I'll look at it later. It's probably nothing important.

I coughed and looked at her, the bottle now gone, only to now have in her hand . . . my hair?!

I looked closely to see that she did in fact have my hair in a death grip.

Okay, when the Hell do these people get the time to grab onto my hair? I mean I'll admit that my hair's pretty damn long but come on! This is getting ridiculous . . .

"Okay, okay! If you want to really know what happened . . . I was attacked by two guys at school. They tried to rape me okay? It's not like I wanted to tell you this." I decided to just let her know what the problem was before this thing escalated anymore.

However I forgot one little detail about that . . . my mom's very jealous of me.

She pulled at my hair and made me stare at her. God, for a woman who uses drugs, drinks and just had sex with a complete stranger she sure was strong. That and I really didn't want her to pull my hair out because of useless resisting.

"Oh so now everyone wants you huh, Raymond?" She pulled a little tighter and I winced. I glared up at her and violet clashed with black.

"I wouldn't say everyone . . ." I trailed off as she continued to glare at me. Again, if looks could kill.

She stared at me. "You know you wouldn't even have these looks if not for me."

I stared at her. "You know if you're trying to make me feel like shit you already did a bang up job as it is by giving birth to me almost 16 years ago so congratulations on screwing up an already fucked up life." I clapped for her. "Give yourself a bow Mrs. Kon; give yourself a fucking bow."

My mother stared at me and she pulled at my hair again, she pulled me up to my feet and I stared into her eyes. I wasn't gonna back down even though every other fiber of my being was telling me that hair could grow back and that I should run for it at this very second.

It was then that I felt the grip on my hair loosen and I felt my hair falling back into place. I couldn't help but dread what I had to do in order to fix this mess. I'm sorry but I actually do care about my hair. I then looked from my shoulders to my mother and was surprised to see her with her head down and shaking. I was expecting to get slapped or something done to me like always but I had gotten nothing. I stared as her hands reached out to me and was expecting her to choke me but her hands merely rested on my shoulders and I was suddenly pulled into an embrace.

What the hell?

"Mother?" I didn't know what to do or even what to say. It's been so long since I've been held by my mother. The feelings that were going through me were odd. Did I miss this sensation? It couldn't be . . . I hated my mother, right? "Mother if this is some twisted joke then could you please do it another time?" I wanted her to continue with her abuse. This was just something I wasn't use to. I can't accept this from her . . . it felt way too weird.

"No . . ." I heard her whisper. "No I don't want to hurt you."

I looked at her. What was she saying? I don't understand this . . .

Why was this happening?

I placed my hands on her waist and realized how thin she was. I felt her shiver and heard her sniffle.

"I can't keep hurting my baby boy. My miracle child . . . I can't hurt you."

Miracle child? She couldn't hurt me? She's been hurting me since I was 10 isn't it a bit late to say that now?

It was then that I realized, as she looked up at me, that she was actually sober. This was the first time in years that I've seen my mother this way. It reminded me from when I was younger. Those years, although so far away, were fun and it was when she was actually herself.

"Mother?" My voice sounded distant as if I really couldn't comprehend what was going on. This was my real mother and . . . I missed it.

She placed her hand on my cheek and she leaned up to kiss my forehead. It was then I realized that I was taller than her. It was by an inch or two but still.

"Ray . . . I'm so sorry. I know I've treated you terribly but I tried . . . I tried so hard to get you away from him."

I stared at her trying to figure out what she meant. Then it hit me.

"Father? You were trying to get me away from Father?"

"Yes, when you were younger. For three years I tried running from him. He almost killed you while I was carrying you and then he started touching you. I tried so hard to get away." She walked me to the couch and we both sat down. "I brought you all the way to America so we could live with my mom." She held both of my hands. "Just so I could get you away from him."

"Then what happened? Why are we still here? Why aren't we living with your mother?"

I then saw it, that flash of anger in her eyes. It was then I figured that I said the wrong thing.

"Apparently you loved your father a lot more than I expected. You loved him so much that every time we left, and I did this three times Ray, you would cry and fight me and tell me I was a bad person." She bit her lip. "I wasn't bad though. All I was trying to do was protect you but you wouldn't hear it. I was a bad mommy for taking you away from daddy; that's what I was to you."

I couldn't believe this. It was my fault that this shit was happening? I put my mother through so much. I looked at her hands and I saw that she had let go of mine.

"My mother had always told me that I should forget about Ryuho and just divorce him and raise you by myself. I was a capable mother in her eyes and I was grateful to know that she was behind me but you . . ." She looked at me and I met her stare.

It terrified me.

"You continued to say how bad I was or that you missed your daddy. You even loved my mother more than you loved me and the two of you could barely speak to each other!"

I bit my lip next. She had a reason to be upset at that. I was five I couldn't speak any type of English besides maybe a couple of phrases. The fact that I loved my non-bilingual grandma more than my mother who knew both languages from the back of her hand meant a whole lot in her book apparently.

"There was a park across the street from her house. I took you there frequently. I was even going to try and get you an English tutor for a while and then put you in school there. It was gonna be perfect but your father knew where we were and when he found us he would stand right there in the park where you could clearly see him from the house." She looked toward our window and it seemed as if she were remembering that day. "When you saw him your eyes lightened up and you would run towards the door to go see him. My mother was older than I so she couldn't catch you but I was able to. When I stopped you it didn't take someone who knew Japanese to see that you were mad at me."

"Mother . . ." I didn't know what to say. This was clearly my fault.

"This happened three times. The first two I threatened to call the cops but the last time . . ." She paused and I could see that this was when she had to concede. "The last time you managed to run off and cross the street to get to him. You hugged him and looked so much happier with him. I already saw how he touched you. He ran his hand through your hair that had passed your shoulders by then, he placed his other hand on the small of your back which was pretty much your ass since you were young and your father was a big man." She put on that evil maniacal smirk again. "You didn't care however. You were just happy to be in your father arms. After that he took you and made me come back to him. It was because of my decision that now no one in my family wants anything to do with me."

I had looked away from her. She went through so much because of me. I couldn't believe that all this time I had blamed her for everything that had went wrong when in all reality it was my fault. I had did this to her. Me . . . I did this.

It was my fault.

"When we got home you were sent to your room and your father hit me and yelled at me. It was then that I saw he had a plan while he was alone." She rubbed her arm and I knew where the conversation was going.

She then explained what my father did to her. She explained thoroughly how he injected her with some kind of drug and kept doing it every time it looked like she was disobeying him in some way. She then explained how he then started selling her around his old job. He made her sleep with all the men at his job and other whore houses. He made her do this while drugged up or drunk so she wouldn't put up a fight. It was horrible to listen to, mostly because it was my fault that all this happened. My life would probably be a bit better now if it wasn't for my stubbornness and for the fact that I loved my father so much.

Dammit!

"Mother I'm so sorry!" I looked around us. No one but us was around and I tried to listen if Father was walking around. When I didn't hear him I looked back at her. Her dark eyes were glassy and filled with tears. This was the first time in a while I've seen her ready to cry. I've seen her sad plenty of times in my life but I've never seen her cry like this. This was my fault and I knew I couldn't fix it the way I would like to but there was a way.

"Mom let's go . . . let's run! We could run to a police station right now and tell the cops everything. We can beat this mom!" I whispered excitedly. I was happy for once. If mother said yes then I won't be the only one doing this. We could stop Father once and for all.

I saw her shake her head and my heart sunk. "No it's okay, Hun. I know what to do. Let mommy take care of you okay?"

I watched as she stood up and went over to the wine bottle that she had dropped earlier. There was a stain in the carpet and I sighed mentally. That's gonna be hard to come off. I then flinched when she broke the bottle and watched as she expected the jagged edges carefully. She then turned to me. "See? The problem is about to be solved."

"Mother what are you doing?" My skepticism hid my fear. What the fuck was going on through her head?!

"Oh dear it's obvious." She giggled. Umm, no it wasn't. "I'm gonna take this bottle and kill you."

. . .

What?

"Once you're free of your father then he'll come see and kill me for hurting you and then we'll both be free from everything! Won't that be fun?! Everything will be fine Ray." She walked over to me. "Just hold still."

I couldn't believe this . . . she was serious! I closed my eyes, knowing that moving was hopeless and that she'd catch me anyway in the end. I peeked at her and saw the crazed look in her eyes. I stared as she held the bottle up high and started to lower it. I realized that this was how it was gonna end. It wasn't gonna end by my father's hand. No, it was gonna end by my mother's.

The expression 'I brought you into this world and I can take you out' came to mind and I smirked as I waited, fearfully, for the pain.

When my mother swung the bottle down I closed my eyes, waiting for the painful impact of glass hitting and cutting up my skin. After a second I realized that nothing happened. I opened my eyes to see the bottle still in the air. I looked at my mother's face to see it stuck in a fearful expression and I looked to see my father next. He wasn't looking at me but instead at my mother. He had grabbed her wrist to stop her. My mother stared at him and she looked about ready to run. She had been caught in the act of hurting Father's 'little toy'. My father looked at me and I froze for a quick second.

He held out his other hand and I took it on instinct. He smiled softly at me but I knew the hidden meaning behind it. "Are you alright?"

I nodded my head and bit my lip. I looked at my mother and she had her head down. She looked terrified. I saw her squeeze her eyes shut and I looked to see that Father tightened his grip on her wrist. The hand that held the bottle opened and it fell at the same time my father lifted me up and held me close to him. He pushed Mother away and she hit the wall as he held me tighter. I rested my head on his chest and shivered. I can't believe my mother did that. I couldn't believe it . . . I didn't want to. I really didn't want to, to be honest. I mean I understood that she was upset but . . . I can't believe this is happening.

I looked over and saw her standing straight. She looked at me and I hugged Father tightly. He ran his hand through my hair and I felt safe for a minute. I then thought about what I was doing and pushed away from him. Softly I may add. He released me and I stepped away from him. He smiled softly at me and spoke just as soft.

"Why don't you go to your room, Ray? I need to talk to your mother alone." When he said 'alone' I watched him look at mother and she started to shake visibly. I didn't move for a full minute and my father looked at me again. I nodded my head, too afraid to speak. My mother was scary yes but I've seen my father in action.

It took a good second before I had control of my legs. I soon turned around and started to walk away and I instantly heard the sounds of my parents arguing, a sound I had grown accustomed to.

I turned the corner and rested my back against the wall and listened to their conversation or rather their argument. I couldn't take it anymore as I listened to my mother scream at the top of her lungs. I decided then to do something very stupid.

"Father?" I walked back to the living room and looked at him. I smiled at him and ran my fingers through my hair. "I know you told me to go to my room but do I have to go alone? I'm a bit . . ." I froze I didn't know what to say. I bit my lip and looked away.

"Ray? Now you know I don't like it when you stall, what is it?"

I flinched when he spoke and I knew I had a matter of time before he decided to punish both of us.

I bowed my head. "Please forgive me Father but I want you so badly!" I looked up at him. "I was deathly afraid when Mother was about to hurt me and when you saved me all I could think about was you holding me afterwards. I would've stayed in your arms longer but I was embarrassed." I lowered my head in shame on many accounts.

I felt my father's stare. "What are you trying to say Ray?"

"What I'm trying to say is . . ." I bit my lip again. "Please Father I've been a bad boy and I need to be punished! Punish me!"

There I said it! Now leave my mother alone! Please Kami give me this one wish. Don't let him hurt my mother. Even if he does after this let me be the one to get the brunt of it. Please . . .

I flinched and looked up to see my father in front of me and patting my shoulder. "Dear boy you should've said so earlier. Of course I'll punish you. Let's go to your room." He started to walk ahead of me.

"Yes Father . . ." I watched him turn the corner and I looked at my mother who was now on the couch and staring at me in disbelief. I smiled at her sadly. "I'm sorry . . ." I whispered to her as I walked toward my room.

When I entered Father was there sitting on my futon and waiting for me. I sighed and smiled, closing the door.

"What would you like me to do first Father?" I asked as I walked toward him.

Once I heard the door's soft click and I realized that I was officially cut off from any sort of help my punishment began.


	5. Suicide

I didn't want to move as I felt my father get up from the bed. He leaned toward me and I stared into his golden eyes as he closed the distance between our faces and I felt his lips press against mine. I kissed him back on impulse alone, closing my eyes as I sighed with feigned happiness. I didn't want to anger him after he had already "punished" me. I opened my eyes as he moved away from me and I watched him go toward my door. I was happy that it was over. I didn't think I could take anymore after that. He's never done that before and my lower half was throbbing. I reached out for him in a false attempt to make him stay.

"Father . . ." I called out to him. "Will you be coming back later tonight?"

I saw him pause and he turned to look at me. My eyes widened as I caught a glimpse of the man he once was. Those soft gold eyes, the face that shined with pride rather than lust. The face of my father looked at me again; a face that I missed terribly and haven't seen for a decade. He suddenly smirked at me and all traces of my past were gone as I recognized that smirk, that evil glint in his eyes that showed the man he had become.

"No." He said simply. "You'll be home by yourself tonight. I'm taking your mother out again. Be good, Ray." He added, leaving the room and closing the door. I heard him call out to my mother in English. I noticed the words "let's go", "hurry" and "before Ray". Before I what? I asked myself mentally. I wanted to get up and ask but then Father would take it wrong and I'd get punished again. I already saved my mother once. I don't think I'll do it again. My prayer was answered. That was all I needed. Going out means he's gonna drug her up and start pimping her out to the local brothels. Last time he did this they were gone for three days.

Best three days of my life if I do say so.

I soon heard nothing as the house took on its eerie quiet tone. I waited for a little longer before I sat up on my futon. I looked over at my bed and sighed. To think I was laying there just a couple of hours ago. It all felt so surreal for some reason. I winced as a sudden pain shot up my spine and I cursed the delayed pain. I ignored it though and stood up to go to the mirror. I was praying that there weren't anymore marks. After today I didn't want to have to stay behind to explain my scars to anyone anymore. I walked over to the mirror, holding myself. I looked at myself, thankful that there weren't any scars but it didn't stop me from cursing my appearance next. I hated how I looked like both the people who caused me pain in my life. I mean I understand my mom's anguish but still . . . it doesn't mean I'm happy to look like her. Or my father in this case.

I put my face in my hands wanting to cry. After this whole thing started with father I realized that I started to lose myself; I didn't feel like I was me. I wasn't Raymond Kon. I was Ryuho Kon's toy at home and son outside and that name followed me everywhere I went. As his toy and his son I had to keep up an image. When I was younger images didn't matter. Things just went their normal way without stopping. I then walked to the bathroom to take a bath. I was itchy and dirty and I just didn't like how I felt.

Once I got in there I instinctively looked at the mirror again and started to look very closely at my body. I couldn't help but smirk when I started to feel a burning, itchy sensation on my wrists. It was then that I decided to look at the effects of keeping everything that my father did to me a secret.

Scar after scar I saw, running across my arms. I see them clearly as I see the sun. Some of them old . . . some of them new but they all held one main similarity. The reason for each and every one of them is for the purpose of me killing myself.

That's right . . .

I want to die.

I want to take the coward's way out and watch the blood flow down and out from inside of me. I want to watch and feel every single moment of my life passing by me in an instant.

I just want my suffering to stop.

Then again it's not like I make it seem like I want everything to stop. Yeah you may think that it's okay because I'm just too afraid of my father to say anything but the truth is it's not. It's like I'm in an abusive relationship or something. Even then that situation is avoidable. Yeah I'm afraid of what my father could do or would do if I told anyone about this but in all honesty if I really wanted out I should've done so already. I should be out of this situation and living a normal life but I'm not and it's all because I know that deep down I don't want it to stop. I don't want to be separated from him even though I want this pain to end.

Without a doubt someone would be confused of my judgment but I honestly think that that's the thought process of anyone who's getting abused in some kind of way. Think about it . . . my father may have loved me with all his heart when I was younger but think of the way he may have felt when my mother took me away from him. Think of anyone that is either the abused or the abuser, think of their insecurities. Even though it's not a good excuse and this all may not make any sort of sense but wouldn't anyone do whatever it takes to keep something that is theirs? Yes, human beings are not personal items like a key or a book but every person always holds something in another person's heart. I belonged to my father and so he made me his so I would never leave him again.

I laughed at the thoughts that went through my head and sighed. I'm justifying so much but in the end I'm nothing but a scared little puppy that would do anything for his Master. Even if that meant making my own pure hands soiled with blood and sin.

Kami, I'm pathetic.

I shook my head and ran some warm water in the tub. I watched it rise and started to take out my necessary bathing supplies. I took my sponge, shower gel and my shampoo and conditioner; all of which had a wonderful smell of peaches. I turned off the water and got in, sighing in total content as my sore body relaxed. My pain from earlier in the day went away. I felt as if I just stayed home from school and nothing had happened to me. I then laughed out loud as I thought that. Of course something happened to me! Something always happens to me and it will continue to be that way until Kami decides to stop being such an asshole and let me die already!

I looked at my wrists again and thought about what I could possibly do to end it all. I could keep trying the usual method, I don't mind it but I knew that no matter what I'd always survive it. I called myself a failed suicide experiment because no matter how deep I cut or how much blood would pour I somehow survived it. I'd somehow wake up the next day or the next couple of days and be fine. I sometimes believed that I was put on this Earth to try and kill myself over and over again just to see that all my efforts were fruitless. I'm a failed suicide experiment. I'm meant to just kill myself over and over only to wake up and see that I'm still alive and forced to suffer through my life. That's the only reason why I'm here on this planet. Kami's testing me to see how far I'll go before I snap. Well he's gonna be waiting a long time because I'll be fine. I haven't lost my sanity yet.

Even though it seems that way . . .

I sighed again and took my shower gel and sponge and started to wash myself, wincing more often than I'd like to admit. As I did though I couldn't help but think back to the very first time I ever tried to kill myself. Of course I didn't understand the concept of dying and didn't even know how to pronounce suicide but I knew that I wanted to get away and the method I thought of was the only way to do it.

I was five at the time, so a good decade ago, and things had already began to get strange. My father started suggesting that I start touching him and let him touch me as well. My mother hadn't changed a lot but she began to be over protective of me. They started arguing a lot too and when I was younger I hated seeing any kind of fighting but whenever I asked them to stop I'd get yelled at and no child wants to get yelled at.

We were going to visit my grandfather from my father's side that day and were going to take a train. I loved trains, watching the world go by at fast paces were something unexplainable to me. Anything that went fast fascinated me to be honest. I honestly couldn't wait. That's when it all started however.

My parents started to argue. I don't remember what it was about all I know was that I was trying to make them stop. I remember almost crying when they both told me to shut up and that it wasn't my business, which only caused them to argue more since they both didn't like how the other handled my nosiness. I had a grip on my mother's hand at the time but had let go when the arguing became too much. It was then that I had a sudden urge to disappear. I had an urge to run and do something. I didn't know what it was but it was pulling me towards the tracks.

It was then that I started to run. I had looked back twice to see if my parents would stop me but they showed no sign of even knowing I was gone. I had felt a sense of lost at that moment. They wouldn't have cared if I disappeared. That was what I thought and that was what I believed as I continued to run to the tracks. I felt relief as I got closer to them and my excitement only grew as I then started to hear the train approaching. I was gonna get away from it all; the arguing, the weird touching, the odd things that were happening . . . everything. All I had to do now . . . was jump.

Once I was about to though I felt someone grab me and pull me into their arms. I looked up to see my father's dark hair. My mother came up from behind him, breathing heavily and her eyes held worry and relief. When my father looked at me his eyes showed happiness and relief. It was then I thought that all the arguing was over. I was sure surprised when we got home from our long trip and they started arguing again.

I sighed as I washed out the conditioner from my hair and proceeded to put more in for the third time. I had to triple condition my hair. For some reason once or twice was just never enough. Then again you'd think I'd cut my hair to keep from washing it so much but I got used to it. My hair grew fast so I had to adapt to it quickly especially since my parents stopped giving me haircuts and I refused to let anyone else near it.

As I waited for the needed five or ten minutes that I normally waste for my hair I thought back to my first actual suicide. I was eight and it was a couple of days after my father had first raped me. No one was home that day from what I could remember and I think I had just woken up from that horrible night. There was nothing but pain. Now I still didn't know what the hell suicide was but I knew what dying meant and when that urge to disappear came back I knew that that was what I wanted.

I wanted to die . . .

It's so sad now that I think about it. An eight year old wanted-no needed-to die. That eight year old wanted to get away from all the pain and all the suffering. That same eight year old took a knife and made a nice long cut down his arm. He thought he'd be alright after that but alas it was not meant to be. I sighed as I remembered that day. I woke up two weeks after that incident and the first person I saw was my father. I don't think I was ever as scared as I was on that day my eyes opened to see their mirrored orbs staring back.

I sighed as I took my hair out of its bun and washed out the conditioner for the last time and then let the tub water go down the drain. I sat there and watched as all the water disappeared. I then turned the shower on and sighed as the warm water hit me from above. Still though I stayed sitting in the tub and watched as any leftover suds left my hair and go into the drain. I just sat there for a while, thinking I guess. I don't really know what I was thinking about I just let my mind wander and just focused my eyes on a random spot.

After a while I sighed and stood up. I washed my body again and turned off the water completely. I stepped out and took two towels. I dried myself off with one and then dried my hair out with the other. I then stepped out of the bathroom and back into my room. I looked at my bed and then at my futon. I had to change the sheets to both of them but I really didn't feel like doing anything. I looked at my room and wondered if I could really change my life. I scoffed. There was no way in hell that was gonna happen. Doesn't matter what kind of faith I had. Faith wasn't there in the beginning and I doubt faith would be there now.

I then suddenly felt that urge again and I smirked. I could easily run away now. I could run to the cops and tell them what's going on. I could try and live with Kage and his father. It would be perfect. I could be free of this hell hole. I know all of this and yet . . . and yet I can't seem to find the energy to do it. I can't seem to move my legs.

I went over to my dresser and took out my razor. I held it up as I made a silent prayer that this is what could help me get out of this mess. I sighed and made a long cut starting from my wrist and made a curve going to my elbow, smiling at the blood I saw. I sat down on the floor, lay down and watched the blood pour. I then smiled again, closing my eyes and hoping that I wouldn't open them.

However watch and be amazed as I awake from this dream and enter a never ending nightmare.

* * *

AretsuH: There! I gave you your chapters! Hope you enjoy! Now on to write 44 more . . . sigh . . .

Kai: Ray wake up!

Ray: (opens eyes) Can't I die in piece? If I die then he can't hurt me anymore! (points to AretsuH)

Kai: Didn't you hear him? You have at least 44 more chapters of torment to go.

Ray: ...

Kai: I think he's shocked

Good! Now to my viewers!

Chaseha-Wing: Yay! You reviewed again! (looks at mess) That's gonna take a while to clean up . . . but sorry hun I still need him! Glad to know you still love my work!

soul less life: YAY! A new reviewer! I'm glad you like the story and yes Ray's going through Hell but it's worth it I swear!

Ray: No it's not!

Kai: Ahem . . .

OH! Right! Kai do me the honors please!

Kai: (puts on reading glasses) Aretsu Hiwatari doesn't own Beyblade if he did well . . . I've already said this . . . (stares at readers) Look guys I know you want to see me and you want me to save Ray and all but I won't be in the story or even mentioned in the story until . . . (looks at notes) Chapter 10 or 11. It's gonna be a bit folks. Sorry to disappoint.

READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!


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